Lesson-Don’t get so tied up in life that you don’t enjoy it. It’s okay for the house to not be perfect for when others come over. They really aren’t paying that much attention to it. If they were, would you really want them to come over anyway. We tend to make sure we have the BEST of everything to show others when that’s not the point to life. We don’t keep track of other’s belongings but we do remember those wonderful people we crossed paths with.  I mean, Martha was racing around while JESUS was in the house. He’s the most important reason I live. I’m not too ashamed to say that I would really like everything in my house to be excellent, too. Jesus is everywhere, though. He already knows what my house looks like.

But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42

I can just relax and not waste more of my life getting ready for life.I don’t want to sit on the sidelines anymore. I want to run the race to win. I think many in today’s world just want to fill that space in our hearts that yearns for something greater. I have learned that nothing will suffice, except God. I have tried everything: more church, more school, more food, sex, careers, and etc. It doesn’t work. It actually exacerbates the problems.

It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.

Isaiah 40:28-31

I just graduated college with my bachelors in psychology. I am proud of myself but I feel like I missed out on meeting so many people. I spent most of my time focusing on school and getting good grades. It was good, except that I didn’t have too much of a social life.  I was too socially anxious and worried about what others thought of me.  Today, I realize the treasure of good friendships and relationships. No amount of money can replace them. I wouldn’t want to replace them by more stuff or activities. It’s not like I can take my “things” with me to the grave. I want people to remember me for who I am and not what I have.

I have been able to get the monkey off of my back and share my deep feelings that were left unfettered for much time. I have seen just how common they were and I am not the only one with them. When isolated, our fears enlarge, our hearts harden, and our mind diminishes. We become paranoid, disorganized, and just apart from our bodies. People don’t want to hear what you think they want you to say. They want to hear what you have in your heart.

Take off the mask! Be Yourself! Be who God created you to be!

God did not make me less than someone else because of who I am attracted to. The last thing I want to do is to sin against my Loving God who died for me and for everyone else so that we have the chance to live with Him for forever.

I think it’s unfortunate for many people to put up blocks to many loving GLBT people just because of their orientation. They have no  clue about anything about them except that. They assume certain things such as promiscuity and lawlessness.  It’s a huge misconception that all GLBT people are anti-law, anti-God, and wanting to convert everyone to their liberalism.  All people are on a continuum, regardless of orientation. I think it’s another way to avoid looking at ourselves and keeping the focus on others.

God will be judging us individually and there won’t be room for any finger-pointing.

I’d rather live as God created me than people-pleasing my life away into a depression because I am afraid of what others think. I don’t want to be condemned but I have to remember that God didn’t send Jesus to condemn the world but to save it.

I have been reading some in Job and I got towards the end where Job’s friends are saying that his suffering is due to unconfessed sin. God has to deal directly with them and say they were incorrect.  They were judging Job without knowing God’s plans. It’s very hurtful to be told to repent of sin when the other person has no idea of what they are talking about. Other times, suffering is due to not confessing.

I struggle in coming out as my “true person.” I am on a journey to understand who I am. It’s difficult to accept that I am most likely gay. I find myself having to declare that “I like guys” over and over in my head so that I will come  to believe it and somehow change. It’s not working because it’s not true. I shouldn’t have to repeat it like a mantra. I have been on other Christian websites specifically for homosexuals. They are very accepting and I experience such peace and serenity. I feel much closer to God because I see that He does love me and I am not a defect.

God doesn’t want me to be depressed and to continually living a fake life. He gave me the 10 commandments to live by and said I was His child. How many parents would want to see their children trying to put on a face to earn their love?

Psalm 139:23-24  Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.