I’m Christian, why am I still feeling this way?

August 6, 2010 katie4234

Feeling different? I’d rather not share this with other Christians that I know. I have shared it with some others. I don’t feel they would understand where I am coming from.  As I grow, I am learning that it’s okay that not everyone agrees with me. It’s not my job to mold myself to other’s expectations and beliefs.  Some think homosexuality is on the same level as bestiality. I want to make it clear that homosexuality isn’t a sin. I believe that it’s a result of nature and nurture.

God did not make me less than someone else because of who I am attracted to. The last thing I want to do is to sin against my Loving God who died for me and for everyone else so that we have the chance to live with Him for forever.

I think it’s unfortunate for many people to put up blocks to many loving GLBT people just because of their orientation. They have no  clue about anything about them except that. They assume certain things such as promiscuity and lawlessness.  It’s a huge misconception that all GLBT people are anti-law, anti-God, and wanting to convert everyone to their liberalism.  All people are on a continuum, regardless of orientation. I think it’s another way to avoid looking at ourselves and keeping the focus on others.

God will be judging us individually and there won’t be room for any finger-pointing.

I’d rather live as God created me than people-pleasing my life away into a depression because I am afraid of what others think. I don’t want to be condemned but I have to remember that God didn’t send Jesus to condemn the world but to save it.

I have been reading some in Job and I got towards the end where Job’s friends are saying that his suffering is due to unconfessed sin. God has to deal directly with them and say they were incorrect.  They were judging Job without knowing God’s plans. It’s very hurtful to be told to repent of sin when the other person has no idea of what they are talking about. Other times, suffering is due to not confessing.

I struggle in coming out as my “true person.” I am on a journey to understand who I am. It’s difficult to accept that I am most likely gay. I find myself having to declare that “I like guys” over and over in my head so that I will come  to believe it and somehow change. It’s not working because it’s not true. I shouldn’t have to repeat it like a mantra. I have been on other Christian websites specifically for homosexuals. They are very accepting and I experience such peace and serenity. I feel much closer to God because I see that He does love me and I am not a defect.

God doesn’t want me to be depressed and to continually living a fake life. He gave me the 10 commandments to live by and said I was His child. How many parents would want to see their children trying to put on a face to earn their love?

Psalm 139:23-24  Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

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